I am a Christian and though I am vocal and open about it to anyone who would asked, I have not lived the life of a Christian fully. Growing up in a family who never valued faith and christianity, in fact i grow up in a catholic family, it is quiet difficult for me to integrate my daily life in God’s presence.

Even as of now, we are churchgoers and I feel focused when I am at church but I have not been reading my bible. I have not been regularly praying and connecting with Jesus. I didn’t have the desire to reach out to others to tell them of God’s message. I didn’t use the promises in the bible in my daily struggles and victories. I lived a life so much in tuned with the world, but not listening to God’s words. I loved him and I believe him and would say I am entrusting Him with my life, but I never made the effort to get to know him more and to live my life in His presence.

But God really loves me. He sends people and events to help me wake up and do something about my lack of purpose and lack of initiative in doing things for Him. I thereby, lack a personal relationship with Him. A real and loving relationship with my Father. Most of the times, I would find myself demanding that kind of love from my husband, when the truth is, only God can fill this emptiness which is in one side of my life.

I am very very passionate about my life. I lived my life full of dreams and ambitions and I cherish every moment, but I have forgotten about God. All my dreams are just for myself. I am too boastful to think that I can do things by myself. I feel like God is so far away from my life. Mainly because I did not do anything to draw him close to me. I have been lazy in my Christian life.

And I feel so sorry…………………… “Lord, I ask you to forgive me for the way I have lived my life. I have lived my life as if this is the only world that matters and I have forgotten about you. I have not done anything to bring you into my life. I ask you to forgive me Lord and from now, I ask you to help me remember that nothing else matters but my relationship with you.”

I believed God did something to wake me up from somber. Yesterday, before going to church, my husband opened the television in a channel where there was a foreign pastor preaching about God’s message. The message was very clear and was perfect to make me guilty.

He says there are kinds of relationhip to our father. First, all of us have a direct relationship with Him because he is our creator, whether we accept that or not, whether we lived that or not. The other kind of relationship is a distant relationship. It means one believes in God and profess that they are believers and they are Christians but they don’t have a personal relationship to God. They are not living a life in God’s presence. They are the ones who would only go to church on Sundays.

There were still a lot of adjectives to describe a distant relationship with God but the way I have lived my life surely fell into that category. This morning, before starting work, I decided to have a one hour devotional since we have so much freedom in our work and I can actually choose to do it if I want to. My excuse of why I don’t pray and read the bible at night is that I am very tired already from the days’ work. But then, those are lame excuses. If I really want to, i can always give time and make time to read God’s word and to learn more about Him.

As I listened to online site given by my devoted Christian sister who is in New York right now, I learned so many good things that I have never learned before. I realized there is still so much to know and so much to learn that will help me in my faith. When I was baptized as a Christian on my 23rd birthday, that was the beginning of my infancy in my Christian life and I would say until now I am still on the childhood stage. I never matured and I never really grew up. But stil, God is good.

Truly, there is nothing more important than living a life according to God’s purpose. And I am determined to live that out starting today..