Creative Thoughts

Archive for January, 2010

I am a Christian and though I am vocal and open about it to anyone who would asked, I have not lived the life of a Christian fully. Growing up in a family who never valued faith and christianity, in fact i grow up in a catholic family, it is quiet difficult for me to integrate my daily life in God’s presence.

Even as of now, we are churchgoers and I feel focused when I am at church but I have not been reading my bible. I have not been regularly praying and connecting with Jesus. I didn’t have the desire to reach out to others to tell them of God’s message. I didn’t use the promises in the bible in my daily struggles and victories. I lived a life so much in tuned with the world, but not listening to God’s words. I loved him and I believe him and would say I am entrusting Him with my life, but I never made the effort to get to know him more and to live my life in His presence.

But God really loves me. He sends people and events to help me wake up and do something about my lack of purpose and lack of initiative in doing things for Him. I thereby, lack a personal relationship with Him. A real and loving relationship with my Father. Most of the times, I would find myself demanding that kind of love from my husband, when the truth is, only God can fill this emptiness which is in one side of my life.

I am very very passionate about my life. I lived my life full of dreams and ambitions and I cherish every moment, but I have forgotten about God. All my dreams are just for myself. I am too boastful to think that I can do things by myself. I feel like God is so far away from my life. Mainly because I did not do anything to draw him close to me. I have been lazy in my Christian life.

And I feel so sorry…………………… “Lord, I ask you to forgive me for the way I have lived my life. I have lived my life as if this is the only world that matters and I have forgotten about you. I have not done anything to bring you into my life. I ask you to forgive me Lord and from now, I ask you to help me remember that nothing else matters but my relationship with you.”

I believed God did something to wake me up from somber. Yesterday, before going to church, my husband opened the television in a channel where there was a foreign pastor preaching about God’s message. The message was very clear and was perfect to make me guilty.

He says there are kinds of relationhip to our father. First, all of us have a direct relationship with Him because he is our creator, whether we accept that or not, whether we lived that or not. The other kind of relationship is a distant relationship. It means one believes in God and profess that they are believers and they are Christians but they don’t have a personal relationship to God. They are not living a life in God’s presence. They are the ones who would only go to church on Sundays.

There were still a lot of adjectives to describe a distant relationship with God but the way I have lived my life surely fell into that category. This morning, before starting work, I decided to have a one hour devotional since we have so much freedom in our work and I can actually choose to do it if I want to. My excuse of why I don’t pray and read the bible at night is that I am very tired already from the days’ work. But then, those are lame excuses. If I really want to, i can always give time and make time to read God’s word and to learn more about Him.

As I listened to online site given by my devoted Christian sister who is in New York right now, I learned so many good things that I have never learned before. I realized there is still so much to know and so much to learn that will help me in my faith. When I was baptized as a Christian on my 23rd birthday, that was the beginning of my infancy in my Christian life and I would say until now I am still on the childhood stage. I never matured and I never really grew up. But stil, God is good.

Truly, there is nothing more important than living a life according to God’s purpose. And I am determined to live that out starting today..

This project means that the next 100 days of my life will be devoted to only one goal. And that goal is to save money. Specifically, I want to save around 50,000 by the end of 100 days. Each day I will be patiently working on this goal. How? By finding ways of how to save money each day and of course by regularly setting aside savings from the money we both earn.

So, tomorrow will be the very first day. To start with, I now have 9,500 in my savings and these money comes from my blogging ventures. This is the money I earned in this month of January. Probably, the highest money that I’ve earned in just a month. This goes all to our savings.
So, I only need around 40,500 more to complete this goal. Tomorrow will be another day and let’s see what we’ve got.

When my tooth ache returned after taking Gardan, I decided it must be a tooth ache issue nevertheless. So, I called the dentist and good thing they scheduled me on that day right away. I wasn’t able to attend our monthly birthday bash celebration, where I asked someone to replace me as a host because of my situation. I went straight to the dentist after my work. I would say it was quick and efficient indeed. I liked the dentist. She was nice and precise. She found out that my 3rd molar on the upper right jaw needs to be extracted. It was in a very bad condition. So, I am scheduled for extraction hopefully tomorrow. I want all of this to be finished as soon as possible. Right now, I am taking antibiotic and I need to be reminded to take it religiously because you know how it works. Once you forget once, you have to start all over again. I am a bit scared because my last extraction was really more than a torture, it was like hell. And I don’t want to experience it again.

Today, is our BONUS day. Yipee! I don’t want to expect much but I hope it will be good enough. This is supposed to be our XMAS bonus which was delayed. So, everyone is awaiting for it later today. Tomorrow is supposed to be my day for being with baby but it looks like tomorrow will be my extraction, so today, I want to be with her. After work, I’m planning to take her to the park. At least, I won’t have to spend. I need to bring her a yaya along, so I won’t have a hard time chasing after her. She’s so malikot. So, that’s my one single task for today. Just be with her and spend quality time with her. We don’t necessarily have to be metal buildings like in malls or play centers but we could be in places near to nature such as in parks.

It has been 6 hours since I took Gardan and I am still pain free. I am observing if the pain will come back and I am really hoping hard that it won’t. It is a killer pain and I really cannot bear more of it. I really hope and pray that Ate Joy is right. That Gardan will take care of this pain and that this is not a toothache but a result of BUGHAT. Will be updating you more later today or perhaps tomorrow.

I was able to fullfill my single task yesterday of submitting my payslip. You know, I’m starting to like this single tasking for a day thing. It means that I will be prioritizing or focusing only one task for a day. Though, it doesn’t mean that this is the only thing I will  be doing. Honestly, I get more done with this, because my mind is free and relaxed and I only do things I want to do. Thus, I get more done in a day instead with my mind still feeling clean and relaxed. I only have to assure I get the single task for the day done before anything else. This is quiet relaxing for me and I feel less pressued and stressed out.

Today, my only goal is to heal my tooth ache. Ate Joy, the yaya of my baby advised that this is not just a simple tooth ache but this is related to BUGHAT or PASMO because I do not eat at the right time and sometimes I skip meals. Honestly, most of the time. It’s not only one tooth which is aching but the entire jaw area upper and lower on the right side. I couldn’t sleep at night. Good thing I told her this morning and she advised me to take Gardan. I had my breakfast early and then I took Gardan. The pain was almost killing me. My face is already swollen on the right side and it hurts badly. The pain is going through my ears and my right head. I wanna die because of the pain. I have never felt this so much pain before. I slept in the sleeping room while still on duty for two hours. When I woke up, the killer pain was no longer there, though it still hurts a little and its still a little swollen. I feel so much better now but I am still observing myself and making sure it will not return anymore. If it does, perhaps i need to take one more Gardan. I’ll observe myself for this day and night and if there’s no improvement, I gotta see a dentist already.

I wasn’t able to fulfill my task of making a card for my hubby yesterday. Why? I suffered a serious head ache and tooth ache at the same time yesterday. The tooth ache started the night before then it stopped in the morning and after I ate a small chocolate it ached nonstop until the following day, which is today. I already took Mefenamic pain reliever twice yesterday.  The ache is almost unbearable. It is killing me. The pain goes to my head as well and my body temperature rises. Even the pain killers can’t stop the pain. It is just so strong. I even could not figure out which tooth was causing the pain. I figured there were around 3 of them alternating. Just today, a coworker suggested it might be “pasmo” because I don’t eat at the right time every day. Sometimes I do not eat lunch, and sometimes I eat lunch but its very late, like around 2-3 pm already. This pain makes me swear that I would be really strict on my meals now. I need to eat at the right time. I need to listen to my body. I also need to take something to heal this “PASMO”.
And of course, I need to be strict with my meal and with taking care of my teeth.
Because of this, I am backing out in being the host/emcee for our upcoming pre valentine celebration. I’m relieved but quiet sad of the opportunity as well. Anyway, there will surely be a lot more celebrations to come where I can be an emcee.
Today, my single task is to submit a copy of my payslip so I can process my loan application as quickly as possible. I have to go to their main office which is in Magallanes Colon. I have committed to working only on one single task per day to avoid being too exhausted and stressed out. But, it doesn’t mean this will be the only thing I will do. It only means this is the only thing I will think about and prioritize for the day.

Today is a special day. It’s our 41st monthsarry or 3rd year and 5 months of being together. Whew! That’s a feat. I haven’t greeted the hubby this morning yet. I guess, we both forgot about it earlier today though we have been thinking about it the last couple of days. So, today, I plan to buy a card and wrote him a love letter. I used to write him a lot but these few months, I haven’t given him any letter yet. I’m sure he would be surprised to find a letter from me. There are a lot of things I need to let him know. Though, I tell him how much i love him and i show it in small ways every single day, I still feel like I need to let him know right now, how much my love for him has grown over the years.
I am so thankful for having a husband like him. I could never ask for more. We had some challenges for the past years, and I am glad we made it until here. Only God is the reason why we were able to make it. He has changed me. He made me a better person indeed.  I could not imagine living a life without him by my side and I could never imagine losing him anytime from now.  So, my task for today again is to make a card for him. Today is also the day that I need to get information on my task this Thursday for our monthly Birthday Bash celebration in the company. I will be the host/emcee and I need to know all the details of the program so I would be able to handle it very well. I am scared a little bit, but I don’t back up from things like this. Anything that takes me out of my comfort zone is something very welcome to me.

Our lives can become so complicated, buxy, toxic and hectic without us intending it to. Our overcommitment to many things, inability to say no, over achieving spirit tends to make us forget to relax and stop and think about what we are doing. Living in the city has influenced me in so many ways. As a working mom, my days are usually full but since I have house helps it doesn’t really have to be. It is not a do or die thing. I can choose to be relax but most of the time I fall into choosing to become a doer of so many things, accomplishing a lot of thinsg without stopping to breathe and to relax.The irony is when I feel so relax and when I allow myself to be so, i feel guilty specially if I have been that way for so many days. So, I think the key here is balance. There should be certains periods when you are on the go accomplishing things and there should be a period of rest, silence, meditation, relaxation. This allows our body to recharge. It is so easy to say yet I found it a challenge to do. As a mother, I am responsible for a lot of things. I want to simplify my life right now. When I feel too overwhelmed by a lot of things, I tend to lose focus and motivation. So I need to achieve balance. I want to simplify my life, stopping by every now and then to check on myself I am still okay or if I needed some silence and rest. If I would be able to handle that, then, I wouldn’t need a project management software anymore.

Last Saturday our planned trip to Hidden Paradise did not materialize. For some reasons, the day before this day I felt something, like I didn’t wanna go even if I so love to have a vacation. I felt like the time was not perfect. But still, we prepared everything. On that day, after my work I went to the mall to buy things that we would be bringing to our one day overnight stay at hidden paradise only to find out at the end of the day that the husband of my baby’s yaya was hospitalized and she needed to go home. We still have one yaya. She’s a young cousin of my husband and I’m really not comfortable leaving my baby behind just with her alone. So, we decided to just put it off. I knew it was so frustriating for both of us, particularly me. I have waited, planned and dreamed of this day. I knew we needed a vacation even just for a day. A break from all the business of life in the city and from all our responsibilities. Even a break from taking care of insurance quotes and businesses.

Tomorrow I and my hubby will be going on a date. Haha! Yes… We are going to have a one day vacation to Hidden Paradise. This is located in the mountain area. There are 3 big pools and the rooms are really affordable. There’s a 600 peso room which is non aircon and the roof is made of nipa hut though the floor is concrete. The airconditioned room which is all conrete and painted very nicely with nice bed and beddings is only 1500 per day with free breakfast and with shower and cr. There’s even a television if you get lucky. Anyway, I want to save so I think the 600 peso room will be fine since there’s also a fan and we are used to that already. The place is in the mountain area and these days the weather is so cold so I couldn’t think of any other use for an aircon. The place has 3 big pools, really really big and nice and clean pools. And it’s surrounded by trees, lots of green things and of course the view of the mountain. My friend says it’s very safe as they have a guard and it’s private. It’s very well maintained, very clean yet few people come because of its location, that’s why its called Hidden Paradise. Only those who already came here kept coming to this hidden location which is indeed like paradise.  I was looking for a place where I can have my retreat alone so I can indulge in solitude, silence and bliss but I decided that this place would become more beautiful with my hubby around. If I will come here alone, I’m sure he won’t let me stay over night. So, the plan now is that it will be the two of us. I’m sure it will be a great rebonding time as it has been like more than 2 months ago since our vacation alone in Bantayan Island. I am so looking forward to having the hubby all by myself. Whew! I would swim nonstop on the pools and lay around and have fun….fun….fun.  I will make this day one of the best days of our lives. We have been working like cows and we really deserve this.